It’s the post Holiday blues. When everything seems fuzzy, gaudy, Technicolor, overdone, loud, exhausting. The “I don’t really know what to do with myself” time. The over doing it and then not relaxing Holiday time traveling. My child wants to open on thing after the other. We have accumulated a Birthday and Christmas treasure trove of toys tried and tested on YouTube. Today I struggled with a broken glue gun to build a “playset” from toy backdrops and an empty box. My last minute storage solution for another newly acquired toy line with incredibly small parts, dudes, beasts, and stuff. Stuff. What’s he doing while I type my blog, last years tablet. The beautiful white Christmas Pennsylvanian snow has melted into mushy swamp-snow yard at an unappealing 43 degrees. My body is furious with myself. What are you feeding me?! My mouth has that sticky sweet coating of a month’s worth of sweets, dehydration, dry air, scotch-tape, dusty decoration staleness. Even the Winter blend coffee has a cinnamon spice tinge that is officially too much. My inability to walk past the plastic tub of strangely satisfying BYOBag discount market chocolates without eating at least two, is shameful. I once was in the running for Willy Wonka’s factory with Charlie’s willpower, but lately find myself taking the route of the German kid not lasting the first scene. I’m trying to get through all of it, before the full moon. Yeah. So what is it about this year? CO-VID hasn’t helped. My tolerance for the commercial Holiday is less and less, and I did mange to scale back. Simple dinner, shopped and wrapped early. Well there was that cheesecake that took two days to make…. Yet I still find myself over everythinginging. To make up for my little boy’s only childness? An excuse? most definitely.
My studies have focused on embracing the dying, the dark, the quiet. I haven’t. Not yet you see, I’m late. I am just starting to wind this down, take my seat. Accept any calm that blows in. Cold fresh air. Dark. My frazzled wires are snapping, sparking. You have books to read, art to make, a home to declutter, posts to post, start that yoga (again), mediate don’t forget to meditate, Tarot, foods to prepare… veg, whole grains, good fats!!!! Good god woman good fats! The New is approaching! QUIET! PLEASE, BE STILL! That voice from that lightless spanse. It looks like I have some work ahead, and not the clean out the fridge kind. Happy New Year everyone.